Blasphemy
by eloquentlyinsane
Summary: Even weeks after his clean break, Edward has not recovered. Desperate, the Cullen visit their friends in Denali who offer their own insights to Edward's decisions and, not surprisingly, differ. One-shot. ExB REVISED.
1. Blasphemy

Even weeks after his clean, abrupt break, Edward has not recovered. Desolate, the Cullen visit their friends in Denali who are displeased to learn of Edward's condition. They offer their own insights to Edward's decisions and, not surprisingly, differ. ExB. One-Shot. REVISED

**Edward mentions that after he left in New Moon they went to Denali, this is likely what the Denali clan thought of his *clean break***

**Listen to _My Happy Ending_ by _Avril Lavigne_ for this fic.**

**xoxo,**

**-ei**

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_EPOV:_

_"He's still in the Mercedes." Carlisle murmured to Tanya. "Let him be a while. He's like a cat. Comes out when he wants to. Don't force him to do anything."_

_"He hasn't changed?"_

_"Still mulish as ever."_

"_When Irina told me what you said last week, I thought she was joking. Or it was just a phase. I didn't believe her."_

_Carlisle sighed."I'm afraid not."_

"_I asked him to play the piano for us. He snapped at me." Tanya's voice was cautious._

"_He has painful memories connected with the piano. Don't stir him up but raking his old wounds."_

_They headed inside._

After I was sure the coast was clear. I clambered up the side of the house and slipped into the remote guest room. I knew the Denali Clan well enough. They would understand that I could not handle- did not want to be approached at the moment...

_"I don't understand," Irina said._

_"He's a passionate lover and an idiot," Alice answered. "What is not to understand?"_

_Tanya gave a polite cough, which may have hid a snort._

_"But for him, death is easier than living without her," Irina responded._

_"So why not just change her, then?" Kate asked, confused._

_"Even changing her is a threat to her safety in Edward's narrow-minded mind," Alice sighed._

_"Oh good god, has he developed excessive virtuosity about this?" They shared a laugh at my expense._

_"And if it kills him?" Tanya's voice rang sharply through the mirth._

_"It won't come to that," Esme said resolutely. "He believes her to be safe, and that thought...keeps him going." She broke off, clearly this notion that her son teetered somewhere on the edge of insanity and survival hurt her._

I agreed.

My love for Bella was the only reason I was like this. Well, perhaps that and my initial greed.

_"But it is unacceptable for any of my guests to be an out-cast in my home!" Carmen protested fiercely._

I hoped they would not force me out. It would not be pleasant.

_"I'm with you, Irina," Emmett said, energy bubbling in his voice. "We'll bring him down, like it or not. Nothing like a tussle to pull a man out of the dumps, well, that or..." He chuckled lightly. "But Edward's not up to that right now."_

_"Good luck with that…Jasper? Would you help me bring him in?"_

A collective hush fell downstairs.

_"You're right, Tanya. We should at least see if I can get him to breathe again before we unleash Emmett on him."_

The door swung open without warning.

"Come down," Jasper suggested to me gently. He had, along with the rest of the family, shared my depression. "I know. But she wouldn't want you to be wasting away away from everyone else. Bella want you to -"

"How the hell do you know what she'd want?" I shouted at him.

I knew it wasn't his fault and I hated him - all of them - for being guiltless.

"I know." He said calmly. A kind reminder that sometimes, even when it came to the love of my life, he knew better. "We loved her, too, Edward. Come."

I gave Tanya, who had accompanied Jasper up a passing glance, and she reeled away by the look in my eyes.

Jasper departed once he'd brought me downstairs, along with the rest of the family who'd jumped at the chance to bond and hunt with the Denali coven – to get away from me.

"Make sure, he's not left to himself," was Carmen's parting edict.

Like I was some pathetic suicidal human stuck in an asylum, needing constant supervision or he'd try to off himself.

Not bad for someone who wasn't a telepath.

• • •

"Does it hurt, Edward?" She asked in her angelic voice. All of our voices were like, at least to the humans. B – she'd described it as mellifluous testimony to angels' songs.

It was Tanya and I.

_Like it had almost turned out to be in the beginning. Before everything else._

I opened my eyes and took a breath.

She watched me.

"…Of course. More then you will ever know. It is hell in it truest form. When I think of her, my mind...I go mad. When I dream of her without really dreaming, when I imagine her before me, without really seeing; I go blind with the craze."

The way she looked at me was different, from the others. Not even Jasper, who had never spent a day without Alice _knew_.

But somehow, Tanya, she understood.

I realized...what Bella was to me, I had been for Tanya. And I felt ashamed. Always, I had mocked her feelings, considered them as baseless and insubstantial as any normal human.

I had been callous.

I drew a shuddering breath.

"My heart shattered the moment I spoke that one word. That one lie. That made all the difference. _'You. Don't. Want me_?' She asked me, her resolve was wavering. And I saw the confusion on her face. And I thought, _This is it. Do not make it harder for her_. I lied."

I looked back at Tanya and laughed bitterly.

She looked frightened again.

"That was blasphemy in its blackest form. If I did have a soul until then, with that, I'd surely lost it forever. If I love her as much as I say I do, I will be able to stay away. She is strong; her heart will mend, like humans' do. And this goodbye, painful though it may have been, it's the most love I can give in return."

_The pain he contains in himself. Its inhuman. I didn't think anyone was capable with dealing with such hurt. Why does he hurt himself; _I winced at her thoughts.

"With that one word, the world ended," I whispered, woebegone. "My world, not only ended, it was demolished."

Her thoughts commiserated.

I closed my eyes again.

She glared at me, turned livid by the sympathy. "Why did you do this then?"

"I love her."

She merely sighed.

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**REVIEW.**


	2. AN

**Disclaimer**: **_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended or accepted._**

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Hey readers,

Did ya like it? Didja? Didja? I redid it about a hundred times -.- But I think it came out pretty well in the end. This is actual one of the earliest fics, so if you're surprised at why the writing's a little immature...don't be.

And that was _Blasphemy_. (Wanna check out something else that blasphemous? Read _Crucible_ on my fictionpress site. It is literally mind-numbingly sacrilegious. Haha, but seriously, check it out below.

- eloquentlyinsane

* * *

_**If you liked what you read, you might enjoy these. Links on my profile. **_**:)**

_**www . fanfiction u / 1302735 /**_

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**Verboten – **"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "We belong together," she whispered. "No, it's wrong. There isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB

_**www . fictionpress u / 622812 /**_

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